Harder to hug and harder to love

We made two pies, 6 pints of jam, and lots of memories.

My daughter has a couple medical accessories that are noticeable bumps under her shirt. It makes Keith and I cautious when we pick her up and hug her. What's my excuse? This past year and a half has worn on my kindness, patience, and sense of humor. As days have turned into weeks, weeks to months, the chronic stress has made me feel like I'm in the middle of a grindstone.
When I ask forgiveness from Keith or Marilouise for what seems like the thousandth time I sometimes wonder, "What happened to the 'nice' me?" Answer? It was just a veneer. Not that God hasn't already changed me. But it reminds me of something I heard a preacher say when I was 14. "Circumstances don't make you. They only reveal you." When I feel as though I will be ground to nothing by all of the extra care, the worry, the busyness, I am comforted with the knowledge Evelyn's pain and our struggles are not for nothing. I hate English ivy; I respect blackberries. English ivy chokes the life out of majestic trees and gives nothing in return. Blackberries are a fierce plant--unforgiving and persistent. But they bare fruit! Both are annoying weeds but one takes life, the other gives it. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). Thankfully, God's not merely revealing my fragility or my sinfulness. He's changing me from the person I want people to think I am to the one created in His image and likeness. Then, I might be easier to hug (and love) regardless of circumstances.